all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You're like the curious george of whores
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
