last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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