so explain again why im purple
no
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this just has baby written all over it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
