every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
