If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i've created a new STD.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
