Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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