I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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