Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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