How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
