Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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