Please, let me fuck your mom
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
