I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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