So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
