i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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