Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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