is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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