I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
