I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
