I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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