you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
