i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
