She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
