i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
