you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
