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i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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