I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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