A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
