spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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