You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
