At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
