Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
