20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
