This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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