didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
