Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
