I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
