I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
