I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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