I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize