holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
