Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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