Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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