Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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