did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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