tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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