if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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