did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
