How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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