he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
