Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
