.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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