Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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