If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
