my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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