so that wasnt chicken after all
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
