I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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