Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize