She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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