Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
