never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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